Bring the "Decade" on!

OK...It's officially 2010. I wanted to start this blog on January 1, 2010, however my need for procrastination has once again reared it's ugly head and I am now one day delayed. I guess it's a good thing procrastination was not on my "New Year Resolution" list, of which I have none. Yep! You read that correctly. This year, the official "new" decade, I simply refuse to give up anything. Why should I? I thought about this long and hard. I mean months of, "Hmmmm....Maybe this year will be the year I give up on chocolate." What! I must have been drunk that night. No way is chocolate ever, I mean never, ever going to make it on a "give up" list. Then I remember one night thinking, "Maybe I should give up drinking wine this year." Again, I really do not know what I was thinking there. I'll give up a wine when I give up chocolate. The fact they go together ever so well, and I am usually indulging in one when I am indulging in the other is completely irrelevant!

So, this year....This "new" decade, I decided to hell with all of these "giving up" lists. I have been doing this crap for, well for decades! The only thing that these "do good" lists do is create for me a heart full of guilt and self-loathing. I mean come on, I know I am not the only one to swear off something trivial that we think maybe the beginning of a "new" you in a new year. It's just that one day, weeks....Maybe even months later the "new" you gives into the "old" you. You know the one I am talking about. The "old" you that says, "Well, just this once won't hurt." Liar! You feel worse than you did BEFORE you made the damn list you started.

I mean who started this roller coaster we tend to ride on new year after new year. Sorry to say this for you men out there....But only a man would think of creating such an evil trapping! I can see it all now. The wife sitting next to her hubby watching TV,(innocent enough). Ahhh, wait...A commercial with a gorgeous blond selling shaving cream comes into view. The husband thinks, "I wish she would spread that lather on my face.", but won't dare utter a word. (Smart man). The wife thinks, "I bet she slept her way to this commercial....dumb Blondie.", she says sarcastically outloud, (here we go).

"Jealous are we?", the husband says with a smirk.

"No...Why would I be jealous?", the wife says while nudging her husband. "Should I be jealous? Why, do you think she's pretty?", as she considers smacking the smug smile off his face.

And so it began....The ill fated New Years Resolution, with all of it's trappings. Now, let me say before I get all kinds of retorts from men, I know the scenario could have gone the other way. However, this is my blog. That means I can lay blame any where I please. When it's your blog, blog away.

Any how, here are just a few resolution musts I have even considered over the decades myself. Starting at the top of almost every woman's list, including the above mentioned....Lose weight. It could be fifty pounds, it could be the dreaded last five. It is also the loss of weight in very specific areas, such as the stomach (crunches were also no doubt invented by a man), the waving arms (hi, right back at ya!), the rubbing thighs (Yeah, just got done riding a horse, a very large one), and the last but never the least our fat, gigantic, long (use as many adjectives as you'ld like here) ass! Men, here is some useful knowledge. We would shrink, and/or lift every part of our body if we could. I would also like to add that thanks to medicine, guess what....We can! Any woman that says, "Not I!", has quite frankly, met with her Doctor of choice. (Husbands every where are holding tightly onto their wallets).

But lets not stop there, here are some more we love to place on our resolution list to give up: Cigarettes, alcohol (shhhh....I know some that should), chocolate or any other sugar goddess confection, drugs (again, see alcohol). I think on the list should be: Bad music (starting with my younger son's taste in rock-n-roll. You know, where the singer yells like someone shoved a mike in their mouth to shut them the hell up! Probably a pissed off Parent), bad clothes (just because fashion repeats itself, does not mean we should be wearing our entire closet from the 80's. If you recently wore anything neon, this means you. Also if you fit these clothes....Screw you, you shaving cream lathering wench).

In any case, I believe that I have played this resolution game long enough. Sometimes I have been victorious. Like a warrior I've flaunted my "new" me for all those to bow down and envy. However, most times I have walked away from the table, utterly defeated. Head hung low, embarrassed to show my face. However, as I turn to follow my worn walk of shame....BLAM!! I turn and flip the damn table over! That's right, I'm a sore loser.

So as I walk away from this tedious yearly game, all I have to say is, I am resolute this year. Resolute to spoil the shit out of myself. No more denying for me baby! From now on it's all bubble baths and roses!